V

The Vanishing (1993)

Rated R

109 Minutes

Directed by George Sluizer (better known for the other The Vanishing).

Starring Jeff Bridges, Keifer Sutherland, Nancy Travis, and Sandra Bullock.

Budget:  $23,000,000.

Box office: $14,000,000.

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

1.  It's such a Frank story.  Apparently the Dutch version has a much more Frank-like ending, but this one will do for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBg7gjX9xBM

2.  Jeff Bridges as Barney.

 

 

Jeff is beloved as The Dude in The Coen Brother's "The Big Lebowski".  That's not my thing.  Of course, I love Bridges in several things: The Coen Brother's True Grit remake, Crazy Heart, Tron... but I think that his best acting job may be as Barney in this.  He's diabolical.  He's so believable that'll you'll be looking more critically at your anonymous neighbors.  Or maybe you should be.

 

 

3.  The Pacific Northwest.

 

It's set in post-Mount St Helens Washington state.  The eruption of Mt St Helens was a very memorable experience for me, and the setting is so alien to me, I have never spent anytime in the Pacific Northwest.  Its role as the setting is so well done, and very intriguing to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Runner-up:  Varsity Blues (1999)

 





Directed by Brian Robbins (Smallville, One Tree Hill)

 

Starring: James Van Der Beek, Jon Voight, Ali Larter, Amy Smart, Scott Caan.

 

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

 

1.  Culturally defining.  I don't know that there is a movie that is more culturally defining of millenials than this.  Even if it features some of the worst fake West Texas accents that I've ever heard in my life.  Just definitive.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdxaVT8O71M

 

 

2.  I'm going to bypass the monumental performance of one of my all-time favorite actors, Jon Voight, in one of his best roles as Coach Bud Kilmer.  I'm also going to leave out the fantastic use of Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" as strip music for Ms. Davis and her world-class nips.  Not to mention, one of the greatest fictional strip club names of all time, "The Landing Strip".  Yep, those will all have to take a back seat to The Whipped Cream Bikini.

 

 

 

 

Honorable mentions: Valley Girl (1983), Visionquest (1985), Virgin Suicides (1999).



U

The Usual Suspects (1995)

Rated R

106 Minutes

Directed by Bryan Singer (The X-Men, Valkyrie, House, M.D.)

Budget $6,000,000

Box Office $$23,272,306

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

I mean, there just isn't any more of a Frank Movie that this.  Yes it was nominated for Oscars.  Yes, it is on a bunch of AFI lists.  Yes, Rolling Stone went bonkers for it, but it still HAS to be on this list.

Here's why:

1.  Spacey.

I'm not saying Kevin Spacey is a Frank Actor.  But the reason that he may be is solely from his performance as Verbal Kint/Keyser Soze.  And, yes, there's nothing revolutionary about that - he won The Oscar for it, but this monologue is the essence of a Frank Movie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnGo6Qm0Wt8

I've quoted it in so many conversations, with so many contexts, it's truly part of my lexicon.

2.  The ultimate ensemble film.

I mean, it may be The Breakfast Club, but I'd say that this is the greatest ensemble film ever made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDfZ5HmA6fs

p.s.  The fact that it is such a good ensemble film is the reason, I believe, that Singer was given the X-Men franchise by Fox,  In my personal opinion, he has yet to deliver. 

3.  The Twist.

I mean, it's just so good.  Every.  Time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYXXhn9fMYs

For the record, it shockingly (to me), made Ebert's "Most Hated Films" list.  Boy, I could do one of those...

http://www.rogerebert.com/rogers-journal/eberts-most-hated



Runner-up: Unlawful Entry (1992)

Rated R

112 Minutes

Directed by Jonathan Kaplan (The Accused, Project X, Bad Girls)

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

1.  Kurt Russell.

Snake Plissken (EFNY/LA), Captain Ron, Dean Proffitt (Overboard), Bull McCaffery (Backdraft), and R.J. Macready (John Carpenter's The Thing). 

Those are my Top 5 Kurt Russell roles.  And, yes, I know that doesn't include Big Trouble in Little China or Wyatt Earp from Tombstone, but it's my list... so shut up.

Anyway, having said all of that, this is one of the few times that he gets to play the Beta Male, to Liotta's Alhpa Male.  He does great.

The only video of him is in the trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNcy0GZr_Zw

2.  Liotta.

Perhaps if he had stuck to roles where he abused women named "Karen"...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq16lMUIUt8

Honorable Mentions:  Uncle Buck (1989), The Untouchables (1987), Unbreakable (2000)

T

Tuff Turf (1985)

Rated R

112 Minutes

Directed by Fritz Kiersch (Children of The Corn, The Swamp Thing TV Series)

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

1.  Spader & Robert Downey, Jr.

They are about to be reunited on film in Avengers: Age of Ultron, and, because of that, I guarantee that references to fellow Frank Movie, Less Than Zero will be abundant.  No one will dare mention, Tuff Turf, though.  And maybe that's wise, because I will always associate Spader with Rip, and to this day I don't see RD2 as anyone but Julian in the hotel room.  To this day.  But, none of Spader's work had this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC-hSBRsXMk

It's so terrible, it's beautiful.

And, the $75,000,000 man never had a better moment.  This song is actually awesome:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UK25HRSbWw

Ah... the industrial punk of the 1980's.

2.  Frankie.

I mean besides just the name.  For all of the 80's movie babes, Kim Richards is the unsung cream of the crop,

 

Yes, for all of you old fogeys, that's this Kim Richards:

 

 

And, yes, for all of you RHOBH fans, that's this Kim Richards:

 

Roll your eyes if you must, but Frankie was a total smokeshow, and if you don't believe me, I offer:

 

 

3.  Jack Mack and The Heart Attack.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc0FamuVRRo

 

I told ya...

 

p.s.  Jack Mack and The Heart Attack is the most underappreciated band of all-time.  Like, how did The Fabulous Thunderbirds make it, and Jack Mack not.  Sure, Jack looks like Arn Anderson, but still...

 

 

 

p.s.s.  When I renew my vows in 7 years, if they're still alive, I'm hiring Jack Mack to play at our party.  Don't miss it.

 

I'd post a review, but no one in the world liked this film.  I own it.  Like on DVD.  I had to buy a pirated Chinese bootleg off the internet, but I own Tuff Turf.  PM me if you want to borrow it.  I may have the last copy.

 

 

 

 

Runner-up:  2 Days in The Valley (1996)

 

Rated R

 

112 Minutes

 

Directed by John Herzfeld (Don King: Only in America)

 

Budget:  Peanuts

 

Box Office:  $11,132,900

 

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

 

1.  Spader.  Again. 

 

I'm not saying that he's a Frank Actor, but the evidence is becoming overwhelming.  Apparently, I should be more excited about Avengers 2.  And, he's so much more believable as the villain.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FysZvGGiz8

 

 

2.  The Introduction of Charlize Theron.

 

The greatest thing to ever come out of South Africa.  Including Mandella.  Top 5.  Laminated.  Mostly because of this...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcLvRIt2pTo

A pure masterpiece of cinema.

Honorable mentions:  Three o'clock High (1987), Trespass (1992), The Town (2010)

 

 

 





S

The Siege (1998)

Rated R

116 Minutes

Directed by Edward Zwick (Glory, Legends of The Fall, The Last Samurai)

Budget $70,000,000

Box Office $116,612,972

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

1.  Cultural Relevance:  Not enough people have seen it still.  The WTC in '93, The Shoe Bomber, The Underwear Bomber, The Times Square Bomber, The Boston Marathon Bombers.  This is the story of our time.  The Clash of Civilizations.  We have to look at the whens, the whys, the wheres, and the hows.  Films reflect culture, and this is the reflection of our current culture.

2.  Denzel's Speech.  This speech may reflect my whole feelings on "The War on Terror."  Very Frank philosophical:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMCKe_EpJJk

along with Bruce Willis' speech:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1h-nzhdey8

3.  Great early scene.  Again, all too familiar to Americans now, but so foretelling in 1998.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzTX0wbH6vc

Roger Ebert gave a great, and academic, review of the film:

http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-siege-1998



Runner-up: Switchback (1997)

Directed by Jeb Stuart (Nothing else)

Budget $38,000,000

Box office less than $7,000,000

Everyone hates this film.  No one saw this film.  I watch it every time that it airs.  Here's why:

1.  The setting:  The Southern Front Range is a beautiful and breathtaking place.  I've spent almost no time there, but it fascinates me.  The chase on the train is fantastic filmmaking.

2.  R. Lee Ermey.

He is, of course, iconic in his role as a drill instructor in fellow Frank Movie, Full Metal Jacket.  But, he was a real-life drill instructor.  In this, he's so good as Sheriff Buck Olmstead, I'm naming it his best role ever.  Ever.

Honorable Mentions:  Shattered (1991), Sneakers (1992), Sin City (2005).

R

RoadHouse (1989)

Rated R

114 Minutes

Directed by Rowdy Herrington (Striking Distance, not much else)

Budget $15,000,000

Box Office $30,000,000

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

1.  The greatest film villain of all time.  Not Darth Vader, not The Jaws, not Ivan Drago.  Nope... an entrepreneur from Jasper, MO.  I mean, we should have expect him to be from Missouri, but that's a different story...

Brad Wesley is the quintessential human example of all that is evil.  That 60-year old, 160lb bastard...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU_Hs0ogXqs

I mean, the black eye on his stripper girlfriend is inexcusable.  And yelling at her, when she's clearly trying to keep it tone for his old saggy ass.  But, his speech is compelling.  JC Penney did come to a piss-ant town like Jasper, it would have to be a man of great vision to make that happen.  But, I digress...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJduA-gXkhg

Management training by Brad Wesley. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLdyuwqik4Q

Driver-training by Brad Wesley.  Shit, he should write a book...

2.  Wade Garrett.

Sam Elliot should've won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.  All those "Beef.  It's What's For Dinner" and those "Ram Tough" commercials.  They're all done with the understanding that he's doing him in his role as Wade Garrett.  Hell, he'd sell about a million more Ram trucks if he'd throw a "'Mijo" in there.  Damn, that dude is cool.  I can't believe he let that rat bastard Brad Wesley get him.

 



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL3Dgfj1Lcc

 

For starters, I'm putting the guy at the top of my badass list, just for whooping Terry Funk's ass in his big screen debut.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv804_ib4Co

 

Every  man needs this very lecture at least once in his life.  Like ten times for me.

 

Plus, he had the great line:

 

They got a sign above the urinal that says "Don't eat the big white mint."

 

Classic.

 

3.  Kelly Lynch.

 

 

Local girl made good.  Small town.  Doctor.  CJ-7.  Otis Redding fan.  Two step to George Strait in a diner.  DTF.  This bitch had it all.  Plus, Red raised her right.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw4-qjENzZQ

 

As a side note, "Emmitt" has to be one of my Top 5 tertiary characters in the history of film.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsIOr2DJfw4

 

Top 5 movie for me, regardless of parameters.

 

Runner-up:  Red Dawn (1984)

 

 

 

Directed by John Milius (Conan the Barbarian, Flight of The Intruder, mostly a screenwriter.)

 

Reasons that it's a Frank Movie:

 

1.  Culturally significant.

 

There is no greater summation of the feelings of teenage Americans in 1984 than Red Dawn.  We believed that this could happen any day.  We feared it.  This was a shaping, driving force in the psyche of so many of us.  It's something that no one before us, or after us can really appreciate. 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qc8jJ0TjSY

 

2.  Brothers.

 

If you've got brothers, there's something special about that.  The Red Army isn't strong enough to destroy that brotherthood.  Jed and Matty proved that.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JH19-8lFZ5c

This is our home...

Honorable Mentions:  Risky Business (1983), Ricochet (1991), Rounders (1998)

 

 





Q

Quigley Down Under (1990)

Rated PG-13

Directed by Simon Wincer (Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man, Free Willy, The Phantom)

Budget - $21,000,000

Box Office - $21,413,105

Ok.  So, I could pad this list with lots of fluff.  I could've added "Quicksilver".  It's an 80's movie starring Ren McCormack and Jimmy Jump as bike messengers.  But the truth is, I never watch it.  It bores me.  I could add "The Quick and The Dead".  Dirty whore Sharon Stone,  the great Gene Hackman, General Maximus, and the guy I believe is the greatest actor of the new generation, Leo.  But, the truth is, I never watch it.  It bores me.  Stone is unwatchable.  Lastly, I could throw in "Quiz Show".  Redford directing Ralph Fiennes and John Turturro.  It is good.  But, it would be a lie to call it a Frank Movie.  Nope, the fact is: of the letter "Q", the only Frank Movie is "Quigley Down Under".  Here's why:

1.  It's culturally defining.

The Sharps .45/110 Buffalo Rifle that Tom Selleck uses in the film has become so attached to the film that they now call them "Quigley guns".  The unbelievable long-distance accuracy that his character exhibits in the film has caused modern-day US Army snipers to dub a particularly long-distance and accurate kill, "A Quigley."  That's amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73hl--IMoWU

 

2.  Alan Rickman.

 

Ok.  His defining role is as Hans Gruber, and it should be.  Greatest movie villain of all time.  But, his role as Elliot Marston is a pretty close 2nd. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sHU9g6Ka50

 

 

3.  Crazy Cora.

 

Most of you reading this will identify Laura San Giacomo as Kot De Luca in "Pretty Woman" or, dare I suggest, Maya from "Just Shoot Me", but here best role was in "Quigley".  Not even close.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKSZ5vvLwjI

 

Roger Ebert agreed

 

http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/quigley-down-under-1990

 

 



P

The Professional (1994)

Directed by Luc Besson (La Femme Nikita, The Fifth Element)

Rated R

110 Minutes

Budget $16,000,000

Box Office $45,284,974


Why it's a Frank Movie:

1.  Stansfield.

I could do a whole blog post on the best roles of Gary Oldman; he is a Frank Actor.  Lee Harvey Oswald, James Gordon, Vlad Dracula, Carnegie, Mason Verger, Zorg... just to name a few.  And none of those are as villainous or despicable as DEA agent Stansfield.  He is utterly hateable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1qiDrNHjXI

 

 

2.  They shoot Clinton.

 

It's merely inferred, and it's purely fiction, but I love the fact that the subject of their 1st practice "clean" is a Bubba-inspired character.  And from a French guy...

 



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gD05qjgKN4

3.  It's not pedophilia, I swear...

The story, written by director Besson, is based on his real life - he fell in love with a 15 year old when he was 32.  I know, it's very, very troubling.  But, Jean Reno plays just enough of a Forest Gump to ensure that the relationship doesn't across sexual. 

p.s.  Natalie Portman's first role and, for me, her best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y58l5z73rsI

Runner-up:  Presumed Innocent (1990)

Directed by Alan J. Pakula (All The President's Men, Sophie's Choice, The Pelican Brief)

Why it's a Frank Movie:

1.  Following my brother's graduation from undergraduate school, he was headed to law school, I made a quick inspiration purchase: a copy of Harper Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird", to inspire him in his next venture.  I really wish that I had gotten him the Blu-ray of this film.  Why else learn the law, if not to be able to take advantage of corrupt government officials, lampoon corrupt character witnesses, and if all of that fails... steal evidence.  And, for the record, in a film that stars Harrison Ford, Bonnie Bedelia, and Brian Dennehey, Raul Julia steals the show.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rva_JBOkpOs

2.  Greta Scacchi.

She's hotter than the surface of the sun.  I can't understand why she wasn't used in more Italian or Italian-American roles then, and I still question that now.  She's tasked to play a vexing Jezebel, and Pakula cast the perfect actress for the role.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2d1-ZxrFaY

Honorable Mentions:  Platoon (1986), Point Break (1991), Primal Fear (1996).